6 Lamest Remakes of Great TV Shows
by Danny Gallagher
posted Oct 21st 2010
When networks get desperate for ratings, they look to one place -- the past. What worked before has to work again, right?
So, it's no surprise that the networks, both broadcast and cable, keep digging up TV's graveyard to reanimate undead shows and turn them into unholy creations that will eventually turn on their masters.
One or two might break through the pack and become a menial hit, but the rest are doomed to become worm food once again.
All you have to do is look back at TV's extremely checkered past of "re-imagined" classics to know that trying to cash in on kitschy nostalgia can stick you with a whole lotta nothing.
These six attempts to bring back the dead, however, are below the bottom of the barrel, the lower of the lowest of the low, the best of the worst. That means they will never have a chance of being remade EVER AGAIN.
(We can only hope.)
1. "Dragnet" aka "L.A. Dragnet" (2003-2004)
Before Ed O'Neill re-discovered comic gold in the genius of "Modern Family", he had a less serious gig on ABC -- well, less serious or just as funny depending on who you ask.
"Law & Order" overlord Dick Wolf tried to bring Jack Webb's classic serialized cop drama back to the small screen with a more stylized but grounded Los Angeles remake. It wasn't a bad idea, really.
Webb's original was an iconic and groundbreaking series that pays a serious homage to the men and women in blue by turning their real life work into gripping and interesting crime stories.
Unfortunately, it fell victim to needless tinkering, and ended up becoming a giant jumbled mesh of needless characters.
TV executives are like meddling mothers -- no matter how good their children's hair actually looks, they still got lick their fingers and work it into a position that defies the laws of gravity.
2. "The Twilight Zone" (2002-2003)
If TV shows could be measured in units of heinous crimes, then say hello to Slobodon Milosevic of the small screen.
UPN's horrid attempt to remake one of television's most beloved and revered shows didn't just have lousy ratings. It had lousy reviews, lousy stories and just plain lousy everything.
This version attempted to replace just about everything that made the original series such a timeless classic. Rod Serling's iconic omnipresence as the curator of the weird and wonderful was replaced by Forrest Whittaker.
Producers hired Jonathan Davis of the band Korn to remake the show's simple and perfect theme song into a deafening mesh of techno blech.
And if you think we're being too hard on a show that just tried to bring this series to a new generation, one episode actually let Jessica Simpson act in a major role.
The prosecution rests, your honor.
3. "Get Smart" (1995)
Most TV remakes fail to capture the charm or creativity of the original because they completely abandon the source material. But this mid-season replacement tried to draft off the original and it still failed.
Fox brought back the classic comedy spy spoof created by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry with the show's original stars, Don Adams and Barbara Feldon.
The new one picked up where the original left off, with Maxwell Smart bumbling his way to the top of the CONTROL food chain as chief.
Instead of letting Adams take the reins of the show that made him a television icon, his character hands off the secret agent work to his nerdy son played by Andy Dick.
The whole series felt like a lukewarm, watered down rehash of the original, right down to the "sneaker phone" on the younger Smart's foot.
4. "The Prisoner" Mini-Series (2009)
A remake of "The Prisoner" seemed ripe for the times.
The original series starring Patrick McGoohan implored its audience to disbelieve everything they saw and heard as our hero fell through the rabbit hole of an allegorical utopia that shifted and changed, sometimes right before our unbelieving eyes.
The new series starring Jim Caviezel as the tenacious "No. 6" tried to capture that same spirit of rebellious adventure, but it got so lost in itself that it was hard to believe that anyone could like the new "No. 6" or anyone else in "The Village" for that matter.
The great thing about the original British series was that it was set in a weird world that felt Fellini-esque and Python-esque, but it also never took itself so seriously.
The remake had better production values, a bigger cast and an even bigger budget, so the sense of wonder and amusement became lost.
5. "The Fugitive" (2000-2001)
Remakes will be around as long as the world huddles around its television for reasons other than warmth. There are, however, some signs that you're scraping the bottom of the proverbial barrel and "remaking something that's been remade" is at the top of the list.
CBS hoped to ride the ratings train by hitching their car to not only the original TV show, but the hit big screen version starring Harrison Ford.
Of course, everyone and their mother knows the plot, characters and motivations of "The Fugitive", so the mystery and action were completely missing.
It didn't try to reinvent the wheel that made the original "Fugitive" or the movie so enjoyable. It practically cloned it.
So instead of getting a gripping action series, we got a warped image that felt like a photocopy of a photocopy.
6. Every "Fawlty Towers" Remake Ever
Television would never have been the same without the 12 genius episodes of Great Britain's undisputed king of television comedies. It found inventive and creative ways to make situation comedies actually funny, without backing away from touchier subjects like race and sex.
It's no wonder that almost every production company in the world has tried to bring a version of John Cleese and Connie Booth's vision to their homeland, including the U.S. -- with all attempts failing miserably.
The first version starred Harvey Korman and Betty White, but it never made it past the pilot stage.
ABC took a crack at it with "Amanda's" starring Bea Arthur in the Basil Fawlty role, but the audiences didn't laugh enough and the network booted it after a single season.
Then CBS tried their hand at a remake with John Larroquette in the title role, but the show copied the show's plots and not the characters. So, it also went the way of so many other sub-par shows before it.
The networks finally learned that you can't top something as perfect as "Fawlty Towers" until, of course, the next 251 times they attempt to remake it.
